A Royal Welcome

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away… I was running late for work and this stupid overheated train couldn’t be going any slower. How much longer until you are in? G My manager Gezza –but Gerald for the hotel customers – has been texting me for the past half-hour asking when I’ll […]

The End

I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking through the days following Brexit. The world doesn’t feel real. Or the world I thought I knew anyway. Cameron’s stepped down. The parties who led millions to vote Leave suddenly don’t mean there would be £350 million for the NHS. So many lies. And for w h a t? […]


“Who do you think will win then?” Rebecca asks. I’m currenrly scrolling through the news, looking at the latest referendum updates. “I think it’ll be close.” “Give a figure,” she says. “Uh, I don’t know.” I’m not good at Maths. I hate numbers. Numbers hate me. “OK, I think it’ll be 65% for Remain and […]

Wait, Why AREN’T You Fasting?

Period Mubarak to me on the thirteenth day of Ramadan! Just before Maghrib! I fasted all day only for it to be made void because the wall of red has broken! Sigh. Always sigh. But also: yaaaaaaaas. A whole week of not fasting. Now, I feel bad for feeling like this but also yaaaaaas food! […]

Not Even Water?

The blessed month of Ramadan is upon us and I’m feeling good. There’s a calmness in the air I only feel when it’s this time of year. This month is about disconnecting from the world and reconnecting with God. I will be nice and patient to everyone around me and try to just be less […]

Do You Shower With That On?

  How many post-it notes does it take to make a paper aeroplane that actually flies? Ten, apparently. “Nice scarf, Suraya,” Bree says as she passes me. “I love that colour on you.” “Aw, thanks!” I say, a bit surprised. Would you believe I debated a full fifteen minutes of whether or not to wear a […]

No New Friends

“Where has my stapler gone?” Lily demands. Everyone looks over at her. “‘Fess up, somebody took my stapler.” “You can borrow mine?” Kay offers. “Well, the whole point of having my own one is that I don’t have to borrow anyone else’s.” “Dude, it’s a stapler,” I say. “Get another one from the stationery room.” […]